you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
