i permit you to call me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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