I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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