We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
