I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
