did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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