Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He passed out mid-signature
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
