my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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