i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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