Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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