Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
