I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
