If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
