i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
