I think I died a long time ago.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
