i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
