how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
