shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
