I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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