I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize