I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
