I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
