And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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