Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
