My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
