I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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