I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
