If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
