I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
