its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
