u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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