I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
