In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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