Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
