Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
