My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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