at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
