I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
