apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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