Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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