Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
