Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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