cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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