So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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