I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
