He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
