smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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