Non-Jews are for practice
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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