we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Someone came in the potted fern
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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