I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's the barista slut.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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