you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
