Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
