Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
