Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
