In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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