our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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