why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize