If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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