I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
