just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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