the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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