what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
