I'm so fucking centered right now
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
