Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you never un-have a 4some
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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